What a great idea!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3173126.stm

A bar has set up a special kindergarten for men offering beer, hot food, televised football and games to keep any tantrums at bay, while their wives and girlfriends go shopping.

"The women are issued a receipt for their partners when they hand them in and can pick them up again when they return it to us later," said Alexander Stein, manager of Nox Bar.

I was happy. My girlfriend who is of Italian extraction and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me. And my girlfriend well she was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed.
That one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two years of age, wore very tight mini skirts + very low cut Blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate.
She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check wedding invitations when I got there she whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to. She told me that she wanted to make love to me
just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.
I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to
the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight towards my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his
eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

The moral of this story: Always keep your condoms in your car.

http://bdmonkeys.net/~chaz/battle.php

This is mine:

Prowling along the steppes, carrying a thorned whip, cometh Bmacd! And he gives a vengeful howl:

"I'm going to punch you until your anus and mouth reverse their functions!!!"