> News reports have filtered out early this morning that US forces have
> swooped on an Iraqi Primary School and detained 6th Grade teacher
> Mohammed Al-Hazar. Sources indicate that, when arrested, Al-Hazar
> was in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator.
>
> US President George W Bush argued that this was clear and
> overwhelming evidence that Iraq indeed possessed weapons of maths
> instruction

From donald.rumsfeld@whitehouse.gov Wed Mar 26 13:26:56 2003
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Date: Wed, 26 Mar 2003 13:27:22 +0000
From: Donald Rumsfeld
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WASHINGTON DC.

DEAR SIR/MADAM,

I AM DONALD RUMSFELD SECRETARY OF DEFENSE FOR THE HONOURABLE GOVERNMENT
OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. AS A RESULT OF INHUMANE TREATMENT BY
THE TYRANNICAL REGIME OF THE UNITED NATIONS, AND ACTING UPON HIS
ATTORNEY'S INSTRUCTIONS OUR LEADER PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH TRANSFERRED
SEVENTY FOUR BILLION DOLLARS ($74,000,000,000) FROM STATE FUNDS TO HIS
OWN OFF SHORE ACCOUNT FOR BUYING PURDY TANKS AND GUNS N PLANES TO PLAY
WITH IN HIS SANDPIT.

DUE TO MY LEADER'S DIAGNOSED STATE OF MENTAL INCAPACITY I HAVE INHERITED
ALL OF THIS WEALTH. I WAS THEN ADVISED BY MY FATHER'S ATTORNEY
(PRESENTLY MY ATTORNEY) TO SEEK THE ASSISTANCE OF SOMEONE IN YOUR
COUNTRY TO RECIEVE THE AMOUNT IN QUESTION BEING ($74,000,000,000). I
HAVE THE INTENTION OF RELOCATING MY FAMILY TO A DIFFERENT CONTINENT
BEFORE THE NEW WAVE OF ISLAMIC FUNDAMENTALISM WE ARE CURRENTLY NURTURING
CAN GET OVER HERE. I HAVE THE AIM OF SETTLING DOWN IN YOUR COUNTRY AND
INVESTING THE MONEY IN A TURKEY FARM. TO FACILITATE THIS I HAVE DECIDED
TO GIVE YOU 5% OF THE TOTAL AMOUNT INVOLVED AND I HAVE ALSO SET ASIDE 5%
FOR ANY EXPENSES THAT MIGHT BE INCURRED IN THE COURSE OF THIS
TRANSACTION (BRIBING LESSER NATIONS, COLLUSION, BUYING OFF WARLORDS, PVC
DRESSES ETC). TO FINALIZE THIS TRANSACTION YOU WILL HAVE TO CONTACT ME
VIA MY E-MAIL ADDRESS (donald.rumsfeld@whitehouse.gov). FURTHER
DISCUSSIONS WILL BE CENTRED ON HOW AND WHEN WE SHALL MEET AFTER THE FUND
IS IN YOUR ACCOUNT. I SHALL EXPECT YOU TO KEEP THIS TRANSACTION
CONFIDENTIAL DUE TO THE PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCE OF MY FAMILY AND I URGENTLY
AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE.

YOURS FAITHFULLY

DONALD RUMSFELD