You go to buy a shirt for work. Do you choose:
a) A classic white shirt.
b) A cool Armani one.
c) A hideous concoction of grey, purple and red blobs
with newspaper headlines mixed in.
You're getting ready to go out in the evening.
Which socks do you wear?
a) Black ones.
b) Blue ones.
c) Old white sports socks pulled up as high as they'll go.
Its summer and you're at work. What footwear do you use?
a) Trainers.
b) Normal shoes as usual.
c) Minging wooden clog sandal things with white socks.
You're walking along a quiet path and another person is
coming towards you. Do you:
a) Politely say hello and walk on.
b) Smile and nod as you pass.
c) Furtively stare at your white socks and hope they
don't notice you.
You're riding your motorbike on the autobahn and come across
a big traffic jam. Do you:
a) Ride on carefully between the lanes - thats why you bought
the bike.
b) Hack through, weaving in and out like a nutter.
c) Sit there with the other traffic patiently waiting like
a tosser.
You're out with a girl on the first date and its time to
pay for the meal. Do you:
a) Pay all but accept her offer to buy drinks later.
b) Pay it all and insist on paying for loads of drinks
to try and get her pissed and laid later.
c) Tell the waiter you want a complete breakdown of your
part of the bill and only pay 1/3 of the bottle of wine
because she drank more than you anyway.
You're out with some non-swiss friends. Its your
turn to buy a round. Do you:
a) Ask everyone what they want and go and buy them all.
b) Automatically get 15 pints in.
c) Suddenly get up and say you have to catch the last tram home.
You're buying clothes for summer. What colours do you
go for?
a) Anything surf style with bright colours.
b) Cool pastel shades.
c) Black.
Theres a big festival in town in 6 months time. Do you:
a) Continue your social life as normal and go out regularly
with friends.
b) Get ratted every night as per usual.
c) Stay in and save up, the festival will involve having to drink
up to 3 drinks in one night.
Your idea of a good festival is:
a) Tons of half naked chicks dancing about in the street.
b) Getting totally pissed and pulling a biffa.
c) Getting up at 4am and listening to tuneless ear splitting whistling
and minging drums played by a bunch of in-bred miserable tossers.
You're socially inadequate and have no friends. To rectify this
do you:
a) Go out to the local bar and chat to as many people as you can.
b) Join a sports club with fit birds in it.
c) Grow marijuana at home and smoke your bollocks off alone.
You're in the cinema (on Monday 'cos its cheaper). The film is
really funny with lots of rude jokes. Do you:
a) Laugh out loud almost pissing yourself.
b) Laugh out loud and piss yourself.
c) Sit there silently in disgust and storm out at the
inevitable 'pause'.
You're in a meeting at work and don't agree with the boss who is
clearly wrong. Do you:
a) Speak up and tell him hes a nob in front of everybody.
b) Stay quiet but see him personally afterwards.
c) Say nothing and lock yourself in your office as always.
You have to do a piece of work within a week. How long do
you take to do it?
a) Do it straight away and chill out for the rest of the week.
b) Chill out and do it just before the deadline.
c) Worry and fret and take 18 months to produce a pile of crap.
You're at the hairdressers and need a new hairstyle. Do you choose:
a) A wicked crop.
b) The latest nobby pop star look.
c) A mullet that Kevin Keegan would've been proud of in 1977.
Your girlfriend is pretty awesome looking and you are not. Is
she with you because:
a) You're a god in bed.
b) You've got a great sense of humour.
c) Her parents know your parents and they got you together when you
were 16 and she is too f**king anal and dull to consider an
alternative.
You're out with your wicked girlfriend in a restaurant. Do you:
a) Hold hands across the table and say romantic and sexy things
to each other in anticipation of the evening to come.
b) Make loads of jokes and have a great laugh getting pissed before
shagging in the alleyway out the back.
c) Say absolutely nothing and look around the room in a bored manner
waiting for the breakdown of the bill/last tram home.
You have to say goodbye to some friends in the street. Do you:
a) Say 'bye' and walk off.
b) Say 'see you later'.
c) Say 'adieu mitteinand, tschuss zamma, auf wiederloegen, ciao....'.
You decide to invite some friends round for a party at your place.
Is it:
a) A wild orgy of drinking and debauchery.
b) A huge piss up with mad drinking games and drug taking.
c) A quiet (f**king silent!) candlelit dinner followed by orange juice
and everyone leaving in time for the last tram home.
Its Sunday and you need to wash your clothes. Do you:
a) Shove 'em in the wash.
b) Get the missus to shove 'em in the wash.
c) Do nothing. Its Sunday and its not allowed. You have to wait your turn
in 3 weeks time.
Its after 10pm and you need to have a dump and a shower. Do you:
a) Curl one out and sing loudly in the shower afterwards.
b) Grunt and groan as the nights kebab stings its way through your
ringpiece then wash it all off in the shower.
c) Stinkily lie in bed (at 10) with your legs crossed and wait until
morning because its not allowed!
You have to go to work in the morning. What time do you get up?
a) Get up at 8 to get there for 9.
b) Get up at 9.30 to get there for 10.
c) Get up at 5.30 to get to work for 6.30 and leave at 16.30.
What do you do after lunch at work?
a) Slouch in the comfy office chair and get a bit of kip.
b) Sneak out and go home for a half hour nap.
c) Brush your teeth in the bogs then continue working on your
weeks work thats taken 18 months.
You need something for your bad eyesight. Do you:
a) Get some contact lenses so no one knows you're blind.
b) Get some wicked glasses that don't look too stupid.
c) Get some hideous wirey framed monstrosities with coloured
bits sticking out all over.
You want to move to a different city. Do you:
a) Pack your stuff up and go.
b) Arrange a nice place and move in all organised.
c) Deregister from the canton you're in, notify your heimatsort,
landlord, police station, register with the new canton, heimatsort
and landlord and do loads of other anal rule type bollox that keeps
thousands of white socked twats in work and the unemployment levels
artificially low.
You go to the pub with your work colleagues on Friday after work.
Do you:
a) Stay there and drink until closing time,
b) Have a few drinks there, then move on somewhere else and continue
the evening's celebrations,
c) Have one beer and go straight home.
You're at the pub and someone (non-Swiss) tells a good joke. Do you:
a) Piss yourself laughing
b) Laugh and then tell an even better one yourself
c) Go red in the face and stare at your shoes.
You're invited to someone's place for dinner. Do you bring:
a) Flowers or a gift for the lady of the house
b) Lots of booze
c) Nothing.
You're in your car at the traffic lights. Do you:
a) Sit there revving the engine until the bloody things change.
b) Sit there staring at the bird on the bike's wicked arse.
c) Switch off the engine and contemplate other ways you could
reduce environmental pollution.
You're driving along the motorway and you're late. Do you:
a) Floor it and f**k the police, its really important you're not
late. (must be for a shag)
b) Speed along at 150kmh knowing that you won't be in too much
deep shit if you're caught.
c) Sit in the fast lane at 119kmh because your never f**king late
and why would anyone want to overtake you or go faster than the
speed limit?
You're on a 2 lane motorway in the outside lane and someone going
much faster in a Porsche comes up behind you. Do you:
a) Pull over and let him past.
b) Pull over and look jealously at his motor as he passes.
c) Stay in the outside lane because he shouldn't be breaking the
speed limit anyway.
You're on a 2 lane motorway (again) in the inside lane and someone
going much faster in a Porsche comes along the outside lane. Do you:
a) Stay where you are so he can get past.
b) Stay where you are and look jealously at his motor as he passes.
c) Pull out into the outside lane to block him because he shouldn't be
breaking the speed limit anyway.
You're in the cinema again (on Monday of course). The 'pause' comes,
do you:
a) Think its a stupid waste of time and they should get on with the film.
b) Don't like it but at least you can check out the tottie.
c) Rush out as fast as possible and shakily light up your 47th fag that day.
Your in a restaurant and they serve you a big dish of gooey vomit. Do you:
a) Puke up immediately and rush out.
b) Shove the waiters head in it and rush out.
c) Get some bits of bread on the end of a long fork and tuck in eagerly.
You chat to a wicked looking bird in a bar. After 3 minutes do you:
a) Realise shes swiss 'cos shes run out of things to say.
b) Realise shes swiss and try and get her and her bisexual mate to shag you.
c) Think shes really interesting and would be a nice friend.
You want to cross the street at a zebra crossing but its really busy.
Do you:
a) Wait for a gap in the traffic.
b) Take your chances and sprint across.
c) Step out from the pavement without taking a pause or looking. The law
says the cars have to stop so they had better do.
You want to cross a deserted street at a pelican crossing but the man is on red.
Do you:
a) Walk across anyway, theres nothing coming.
b) Have a look around then go for it.
c) Wait until the green man is on because its illegal to cross on a red man.
If you answered mainly 'c' then you're Swiss. Poor you.
If you answered mainly 'a' and 'b' then your not. Luck you.
If you're American then you're probably a tosser anyway.
