I don't think that's NSFW but feel free to correct me if I'm wrong...

Want to open up spaces between you and the cars around you.

Step 1. Tie these balloons to your car
Step 2. Drive VERY FAST
Step 3. Watch people freak out
Step 4. Tell the nice officer you thought they were real

Dear Sir/Madam
My congratulations to you on getting a yacht to leave the UK on 28th November 2004, sail 27,354 miles around the world and arrive back 72 days later. Could you please let me know when the kitchen I ordered 96 days ago will be arriving from your warehouse 13 miles away?

Yours Sincerely
John Roberts