Here is this morning's breaking news: > > CNN/Reuters: > >

News reports have filtered out early this morning that US forces have swooped on an Iraqi Primary School in Umm Qsar and detained 6th Grade teacher Mohammed Al-Hazar. Sources indicate that, when arrested, Al-Hazar was in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator. US President George W Bush argued that this was the clearest evidence yet that Iraq indeed possessed weapons of maths instruction.

Associated Press: A spokesperson at US Centcom has just announced that US troops positioned 15 miles south of Baghdad have been attacked by a crack squadron of elite Republican belly dancers. 'These fanatical women failed to stop at a checkpoint and tossed their tasselled titties in full view of our men, clearly attempting to demoralize them after 2 weeks without pu**y in the desert'. US President George W Bush argued that this was the clearest evidence yet that Iraq indeed possessed weapons of mass seduction.