Well then buy yourself a wanking device!

http://daimaoh.kir.jp/ho/menssom.htm

"Now You Can Find It!" Wireless RF Electronic Locater

Always misplacing your glasses? Keys? Remote? Cell? PDA? "Now You Can Find It"™ locater puts a pager on all elusive things!

Includes four beeper discs to attach to keys, glasses and other elusive objects.
Press a button on the portable base and the corresponding disc beeps loudly.
Each disc attaches with keyring or double-sided adhesive pad.
Effective range of 30 feet. Includes magnetic mounting bracket for base.

$49.95

http://www.sharperimage.com/us/en/catalog/productview.jhtml?pid=45937300&pcatid=1&catid=109

World Tournament gamers face off on ArcadePC® — why not you? Enjoy professional-quality arcade games powered by PC technology — right in your home or office!
Exciting side-by-side gaming action for two players.
Plays all 6,000 classic arcade ROMS.

$2,995.95

http://www.sharperimage.com/us/en/catalog/productview.jhtml?pid=40636600&pcatid=2&catid=201